Light at the end of the tunnel

"Sometimes all you need is a warm and a tight hug!"

  I am at an age where being Confused is a constant state of mind. I am at an in between age, I am neither an adult nor a teenager.I no longer fall into the category of "being cool" and trust me it's a rather bitter pill to swallow to accept this fact. Where, at one point I was dragged to socialize with my relatives, truth be told Today I equally enjoy meeting the older relatives as well as the kids or people of my same age  (if my mom reads this, I bet you she'd be in a state of shock) until and unless they start asking questions ,even I don't know the answer of. The irony of it all is Whereas I am certain of the things I don't want in my life , I have no idea of what I actually want in life. Even logging onto facebook has become a scary errand you end up reading posts that is bound to make you feel bad about yourself. My newsfeed is filled with friends getting engaged, some even having babies, some making it big by working at some of the best companies.

And here I am , absolutely clueless of what I want and the only relationship I am in is the one that I have with my phone. Yeah FML! No matter where I go the one question I am always asked is "When are you getting married?!?" To all the aunties and uncles " I don't know ,When am I getting married and Thankyou for scaring the hell out of me" Even when I mentally accept that it is okay for me to think about marriage , I immediately put aside this notion thinking of all the things my mother still scolds me for. I am still a kid at heart , how do you expect me to handle my own household?!? I still have to cross out a lot of things off my bucket list. I am at an age where on one hand  I have begun to understand the value of money , on the other hand I desperately want that Zara top or something that interested me on the online shopping portals. I hate asking for money from my parents and yet I have too little of my own. I no longer have the stamina or enthusiasm as I had when I was a teenager and I am always scared of getting older.

I am at an age , where I am supposed to be responsible and careful , yet I still end up losing half of the things I own and , my room and my closet is never clean . I want to be independent yet I am dependent on my mother for every small little thing. I am nowhere close to living my "dream life" , and when I see the "not so cool " at school kids doing well in life I just feel like hibernating from the world. I am at an age where I want my parents to be proud of me. I want to connect all the dots but I have no idea where to find the conjoining line.I am at an age where the Name of the Birthday Album has changed from the age to the year. Like , Birthday '2014 unlike "My 18th Birthday". I have grown up, when did this happen?!? And How do I make it stop, If I could learn one magic trick I'd really want to learn, how to make time stop . I am nowhere close to the plan I set out for me , I am still a lazy bum, I feel like I am in this tunnel where I don't know where the direction of my life is going yet I feel there will be a light at the end of the tunnel that would guide me through. So here's hoping that eventually everything falls into place, and the state of mind changes to "Stable" from "Confused" . Until then , Laugh at the Confusion , live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason...